After The Darkness
by masterjediratgrl31
Summary: Dean is cured from the mark, he needs to find Castiel with Sam's help. They find Cas and make it right. Inspired by the Season 11 trailer and the need to feel like I have a soul again.


**So the Season 11 trailer almost killed me and I needed an alternative, this is how I WANT it to go down, just to soothe my feels, let me know what ya'll think!**

Cas' eyes opened, and they were burning, so badly he groaned, and that hurt too. To make any kind of sound in his throat was like lighting a match. Had he been screaming at some point? And if so, for how long? And then he heard his name. At first it was muffled and sounded like when someone hollers down a wide, empty hallway. He recognized it, and fear powerfully trilled through his veins like fire.

"Cas? Cas! It's me, Sam's here too,"

His wrists ached and he suddenly realized he was suspended from the ground. Shoulder blades pulled painfully taut, his hands near bloodless above his head. With the realization that it was indeed Dean who spoke, he flinched back violently, the chains above him clattering and holding him smartly in place. He could feel the angel wards, and they restrained him just as tightly as the chains did.

"We're here to help Cas, I-I know the last time we saw each other it was bad…really bad" Dean began, but words fell short. He'd almost killed his best friend and that was the last time they'd spoke, an angel blade impaled beside Cas' battered and bleeding face. He had managed to knock an angel to the ground, and what made it all the more worse was, Dean knew Cas could have stopped him. But didn't. When they had found Cas, blood was leaking from the corners of his eyes, the familiar deep blue all but eaten up by Rowena's spell and he had been raving mad. Shaking and fighting the chains, never really speaking a word they understood. So it was without much deduction what kind of spell he was under. But after Sam's figured out a counter spell, digging through the Man of Letters library (the books that were not ruined) he was once again lucid, or at least close, besides being utterly confused and obviously terrified.

"You're okay, it's okay," Dean attempted to soothe, "We didn't string you up like this, who did?"

Cas was still desperately trying to even out his breathing, he could feel the drying of blood down his face, it ran into the crevices of his neck and soaked into the torn white shirt he was wearing. Trench coat and suit jacket gone, and when that had happened he didn't know either, "I'm not sure…I last remember Crowley…I almost killed him…I think…I don't…I don't remember."

Dean was now facing him, invading their 'personal space' rule, "Can you stand?"

Cas shook his head and a sob burst so abruptly Dean flinched and gasped. He'd certainly seen Cas close to tears, heard emotion brimming in his throat, but never outright sobs, "Okay, okay, I'm gonna hold you up while Sammy gets these chains unlocked." And despite his earlier fearful reaction to the man, and as Dean wrapped his arms beneath Cas', he slumped against him, face burrowed in his neck as heartbreaking sobs resonated from his chest.

Dean's eyes were wide as saucers as he locked eyes with his younger brother, "Hey, hey, it's alright now, it's over, you're safe," Dean murmured, not being able to help himself he stroked Cas' back in hopes of calming him down, "You're safe, I'm sorry Cas, I'm so sorry. We're gonna get you home."

But Cas had yet to really speak, either he couldn't at the moment or refused, Dean couldn't tell. When Sam successfully removed the cuffs Cas fell against Dean heavily, almost knocking him backwards, "Whoa, careful, I gotcha"

Cas didn't care though, and no, for some reason he couldn't pinpoint, he couldn't walk. He almost brought Dean down to the floor, "Hey Cas, put an arm around me, ya hear me?"

Cas nodded, his eyes streaming endlessly against his will, in fact that he didn't know either why he was crying, and so harshly too. But he did as told and held on as Dean scooped him up from the ground with a grunt.

"Is he okay?" Sam's voice finally arrived.

"I don't know, I have no fucking clue, does that spell have side effects? Or the counter spell?" Dean growled, disturbed at how pliant Cas was against him, he was damn near trying to disappear with how closely he was pressing himself to Dean, making a point of hiding his face in Dean's shoulder.

"It's different for…um, non-humans, I think, I mean, I don't know," Sam replied, following closely as Dean made a beeline to the car, "Maybe it's different with angels?"

"Let's just get him home, get him cleaned up" Dean said, nodding at Sammy to open the back door, "Come on Cas, in ya go." But Cas wasn't letting go, his fingers twisted in the arms of Dean's flannel shirt, tight enough to bruise, "I guess you're driving Sam." Dean situated Cas in the back seat, not letting him go of course, but he certainly wasn't going to sit with him in his lap, so he figured it wouldn't be so much of a bad thing to have him half sitting his lap. Not that he had any real choice in the matter since Cas had acquired the skills of an octopus.

Sam went behind the wheel, glancing every now and then in the rear view mirror, "Dean…"

"Don't ask me anymore questions, I don't….no he's fine, he just need to rest, not the first time his mojo has gone haywire, won't be the last." Dean spat, holding Cas close despite his crass demeanor.

If it were even possible, Cas crawled closer. Even though what happened between them, the horrible fight, the venomous words, Cas still craved the closeness. Deans' scent alone was comforting. Cas' thoughts were so skewered he didn't even seem to care that he might be making Dean uncomfortable. But Dean wasn't pushing him away so he wouldn't deny himself this kind of human interaction that calmed his fast breathing and leaking eyes.

Dean carried him into the bunker, making sure to watch his head, and with hurried strides made it to the couch, "For a little dude he's heavy, Jesus," Dean grunted as he laid his burden to the plush surface, "Sam, go get the first aid kit, some towels and a change of clothes, just, grab some of my shit."

And once again, Cas held on, "Come on man, let go, I gotta get you cleaned up and I can't do that if I'm wearing you like a second skin."

Reluctantly, Cas relinquished his hold, and allowed Dean to lower him all the way down until his back was flush with the couch.

As soon as Dean let go he started shaking, as in damn near vibrating, Cas felt the weight of a rough palm on his forehead, "Cas, breathe, it's okay, you're safe here, ya see where we are? The bunker, nothing's gettin' in here."

"Here," Sam's voice arrived as he set the supplies to the floor, "I'll get some water."

"We'll get you all fixed up," Dean masked his worry with a smirk, taking a seat on the edge of the table. Sam set the pot of warm water next to him followed with a wash cloth, "Is it okay if I unbutton this?" Dean asked, motioning to Cas' shirt.

His bloodshot, but very blue eyes darted between Sam and Dean, as if he wasn't sure what Dean was asking of him, but he nodded slowly, head falling back to the pillow behind him.

Dean pressed the cloth slowly to each patch of skin covered in blood, given that it was dry, he wanted to remove it as painlessly as possible and it ran down his throat, probably to his chest. With that said he undid the rest of the buttons, and yes, the blood ran way past his neck line. Pushing aside any embarrassment or unease, Dean wiped away the trailing blood, every now and then catching the gaze of Castiel who was watching him very intently if not short of suspiciously, "Cas, I'm not gonna hurt you again, got it? Relax, please, close your eyes" and he didn't say it in a sharp command, in fact it was very unlike Dean, his tone soft and gentle.

Cas reluctantly did as told, trying not to let his mind reel and simply focus on the soft touches, he finally heard Sam's voice say, "Here's some clothes, his are wrecked, we need to sit him up."

"Yeah, almost done here," Dean replied, wringing the wash cloth out for the third time, and it was thoroughly stained in Cas' blood, "Cas, you alright to sit up?"

Cas cleared his throat before speaking, "With help, yes I believe I can."

Dean's face brightened at the lucidity in Cas' voice, he snaked an arm behind his shoulders and pulled him forward, he tugged the torn shirt from Cas' torso while Sam worked on his shoes, "Just gonna get your slacks off, get you into something more comfortable, how you wear this suit all the time I'll never know."

Cas let out a little groan that made Dean jump as he slipped the sleep pants up to his waist, "You okay?"

"Sore," Cas mumbled, nearly falling forward.

"Whoa, hold on, we're gonna move you to my bed, Sammy here is gonna pick you up don't think my back can take it."

With his eyes still closed he felt Sam brace an arm behind his back and tuck another beneath his knees and lift him up from the couch. Soon enough he felt the mattress to his back which made him sigh loudly in relief. All the jostling around only made the radiating aching worse and he couldn't help but groan.

"Sorry Cas, no more moving around," Sam apologized.

Cas nodded, eyes falling shut once more.

"I'm gonna go on a supply run, there isn't any food in this place, so I'll be back in about an hour. You need anything Cas?" Sam asked

Cas shook his head, "No, thank you."

"I'll keep an eye on him," Dean finally spoke up, his demeanor noticeably deflated, he waited until Sam was out of the room to perch himself on the edge of the bed, he leaned backwards and grabbed the blanket on the baseboard and draped it over his patient.

When the silence proved to be too much Cas spoke up, "Dean…"

"I'm so sorry man, I need you to know that…" Dean's voice shook, and without even thinking pressed a hand to Cas' cheek, one thumb swiping beneath one blue eye as if remembering the blood that had once been there.

"I know you are Dean, that wasn't you,"

"I could have killed you," he spat angrily, "The worst part is, you could have stopped me but you didn't. Why?"

"You know why," Cas whispered, completely aware that Dean was still stroking his face, "I knew you'd overcome this and you have."

"Not on my own I didn't, and just like always I've fucked up big time and we don't know what's going to happen, all of this is my fault…I could have killed you Cas…" he repeated, his pitch higher than normal, "That…if I had…I would never have been able…" he didn't exactly fall forward, but it wasn't exactly graceful by any means, as his face was now buried in the space between Cas' neck and shoulder.

Cas laid in shock for a moment, awkwardly draping his arms around Dean's back and it was only by the shaking of his shoulders did Cas realize with horror that Dean was sobbing. Really and truly crying, but in true Dean fashion it was in a silenced manner, never wanting to let anyone know that he was feeling too much. He held him suddenly tight, curling fingertips into his dirty blonde hair, and even as aching as he was, he craned his neck to kiss the place just above Dean's ear. And he meant it as comfort but Dean's chest hiccupped loudly at the gesture and then his arms were winding around Cas.

Cas could only wonder what had occurred over the last few days, given that he hadn't seen Dean since the incident at the bunker, all he knew was that the mark was gone. And for the moment that was all that mattered. "Dean, I forgive you, doesn't that mean anything? You are a good man…" he pressed more kisses into his hair, "Come here"

Dean made some noise that Cas couldn't interpret but he knew it was resistance, "No, Dean, come here," he was tugging on his body, willing him to lay fully on the bed, to not only perch, to lean, but lay next to him. And to Cas' immense surprise Dean complied, stretching his legs alongside Cas', face still hidden in his shoulder. His crying was more prominent now, deep and painful hitchings from his chest. And Cas said nothing, only caressing Dean's back with sure fingertips and holding him as close as Dean allowed.

Dean cried like he hadn't done in years, he almost lost control all together, to wail loudly like he wished to do. But for Cas' sake he was able to keep it quiet, even though he was clutching and clinging to Cas as if he weren't hurt.

"You know not what your soul holds, you hide behind your tough venire but I know you Dean…I know you and you have to forgive yourself because I forgive you. We will work through this we always have, now is no different." Cas murmured against Dean's tender flesh.

"Cas…" Dean whimpered, his head rising from the safety of Cas' shoulder and without even thinking was peppering kisses to Cas' forehead once more, his cheeks, his nose, and then without even thinking, the most innocent of kisses, his lips. And like before he fell against him, needing the real and heavy warmth of his body.

Cas only held him closer, the distraction of his own ailments was a God send, "Let it go Dean…you deserve it."

And Dean did, his cries were loud and messy and so unlike he was used to. He clutched and grabbed at Cas, needing the closeness. Cas held on until Dean's cries quieted to tiny little hiccups, until he was sound asleep, cheek against his chest, whispers of breath between his full pink lips.

It was about that time that Sam returned to the bedroom, and he stopped, stock still at the doorways entrance. Cas brought one finger to his lips, eyes glancing down at his sleeping burden, and shushed silently, his brow furrowing deeply. Sam nodded, frown on his face, but closed the door behind him. Cas didn't know what tomorrow would bring them, but for now he could provide comfort, and he never felt more at home.


End file.
